The Wedding Singer

Sound clips from The Wedding Singer

Pants.wav (27K)
Robbie (Adam Sandler): Hey somebody get some pants on that kid!

Yesterday.wav (43K)
Robbie: Once again, things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!

Bitch.wav (182K)
Robbie’s nephew: Hey, Linda, you’re a bitch.
Robbie: Thanks Petey, go back into the house. He might have tourette syndrome. We’re looking into it.

DingDong.wav (68K)
Robbie: Why would any girl ever marry me?
Sammy: Marry you? I’m just trying to get someone to play with your ding dong.

TrueLove.wav (228K)
Robbie: You know what’s funny, some of us will never ever find true love. Like take for instance, me, and I’m pretty sure that guy right there, and that lady with the sideburns, and basically everybody at table nine.

Strangle.wav (80K)
Man: You are the worst wedding singer in the world, buddy.
Robbie: Sir, one more outburst and I will strangle you with my microphone wire. You understand me?

Cold.wav (148K)
Man: Oh man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding. That was so cold. You must have felt like shit.
Robbie: No, It felt really good. Thanks for bringing it up man. You know my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?

DriveHome.wav (31K)
Robbie: Yeah, have a few drinks and drive home.

GetLaid.wav (100K)
Holly: If you come upstairs, you’re gonna get laid.
Robbie: Wow, nobody’s ever said that to me before.

Heart.wav (89K)
Robbie: You get emotionally involved and they they, what do they do?
Old Man in Bar: They rip your heart out of your ass.

Jinx.wav (48K)
Robbie: Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.

Listen.wav (157K)
Man: Hey, buddy, I’m not paying you to hear your thoughts on life. I’m paying you t sing.
Robbie: Well, I have a microphone and you don’t SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!

BestManSpeech.wav (837K)   BestManSpeech.mp3 (304K)
David Veltri: When my brother Harold asked me to be the best man at his wedding I was like of course, man, because you’ve always been there for me. Like when I was in rehab, and like the time I couldn’t find my car. ‘Cause Harold has always been the dependable one and I’ve always been the screwed up one. Right dad? Why can’t you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord. But uh, news flash, pop, Harold ain’t so perfect. Remember that time in Puerto Rico when we picked up those two uh… well, I guess they were prostitutes but I don’t remember paying.

RightOne.wav (60K)
Julia: I always just envisioned the right one being someone I could see myself growing old with.

JuliaGulia.wav (182K)
Robbie: I don’t even know your last name.
Glen: It’s Gulia.
Robbie: Gulia? Julia’s last names gonna be Gulia. Julia Gulia, that’s funny.
Glen: Why’s that funny?
Robbie: I don’t know.

Woopeedeedoo1.wav (63K)
Robbie: Woopeedeedooo!

Woopeedeedoo2.wav (99K)
Robbie: Wooooo hoooooo! Cindy and Scott are newlyweds. Woopeedeedooo!

Puke.wav (51K)
Robbie: All right, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

LoosingMind1.wav (63K)
Jimmy Moore: He’s loosing his mind and I’m reaping all the benefits.

LoosingMind2.wav (23K)
Jimmy Moore: He’s loosing his mind.

Ass.wav (151K)
Robbie: That is a luscious ass right there isn’t it? Ummm my God!
Glen: That’s grade A top choice meat.
Robbie: I’d like to bite right through that thing.

Puked.wav (71K)
Julia: I puked.
Robbie: All right, don’t worry.
Julia: I vomited in my hair.

Money.wav (146K)
Mr. Simms: Do you have any experience?
Robbie: No sir, I have no experience, but I’m a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I’d like to put more in that jar. That’s where you come in.

MaterialBoy.wav (46K)
Robbie: We’re living in a material world and I am a material girl, or boy.

Prostitute.wav (23K)
Old Man in Bar: You need a prostitute.

Fight.wav (96K)
Robbie: All right, shithead, I haven’t been in a fight since the fifth grade, but I beat the shit out of that kid so now I am gonna beat the shit out of you.

BillyIdol.wav (31K)
Robbie: See, Billy Idol gets it. I don’t know why she doesn’t get it.

Asshole.wav (21K)
Robbie: I am an ASSHOLE!

GiveItToHer.wav (345K)   GiveItToHer.mp3 (126K)
Robbie: You know what? The first time this guy saw you he told me he was gonna hit on you.
Julia: Really!
Sammy: That’s not true.
Robbie: Yeah it is, you told me she was in trouble. She was gonna get it and she didn’t even know it.
Sammy: He’s teasing I would never say that.
Robbie: What? You said you were gonna give it to her!
Julia: Give me what exactly?
Robbie: Yeah.
Sammy: You’re a jerk.
Robbie: What do ya mean? You didn’t know she was engaged.
Julia: And now you’re not gonna give it to me?
Sammy: Very funny.
Robbie: Say hi to your brother Tito.

BeatIt1.wav (71K)
Robbie’s nephew: You’re going to the mental institution.
Robbie: BEAT IT!

BeatIt2.wav (23K)
Robbie: BEAT IT!

Breakdown.wav (170K)   Breakdown.mp3 (62K)
Robbie’s nephew 1: Is it true that you’re in the middle of a nervous breakdown?
Robbie: No!
Robbie’s nephew 2: Nervous breakdown! Nervous breakdown!
Robbie: Who said that?
Robbie’s nephew 1: Everybody’s been saying that.
Robbie: Everybody? You’re 8 years old you only know your parents. What are you talking about?

Everybody.wav (61K)
Robbie’s nephew 1: Everybody’s been saying that.
Robbie: Everybody? You’re 8 years old you only know your parents. What are you talking about?

CooCoo’sNest.wav (55K)
Robbie’s nephew 1: Is it true that you’re gonna end up in a mental institution?
Robbie’s nephew 2: Coo Coo’s nest! Coo Coo’s nest!

Dance.wav (122K)
[talking about Julia]
Robbie: Who of you out there would like to dance with this fine looking woman?
Old Man: I’d like to do more than dance with her.

Cones.wav (93K)
Robbie: You hit two cones! Those could have been people, those could have been guest at her wedding.
Sammy: They were cones!

CoolChick.wav (198K)   CoolChick.mp3 (73K)
Sammy: Uh oh.
Robbie: What?
Sammy: You like her.
Robbie: No I don’t!
Sammy: Of course you do, she’s a cool chick with a hot ass.
Robbie: How’s this? You talk about her ass again I’ll break your neck. Anyway, she told me she likes you.
Sammy: Really? She said that?
Robbie: No!