Christmas Vacation

Sound clips from Christmas Vacation

shitterwasfull.wav (8K)
Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid): Shitter was full!

shitterwasfull2.wav (15K)
Cousin Eddie: Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!

leavefordead.wav (32K)
Clark Wilhelm Griswold, Jr. (Chevy Chase): Can I refill your eggnog for ya? Get ya something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave ya for dead?
Cousin Eddie: Naw, I’m doing just fine Clark.

msleghound.wav (86K)
Cousin Eddie: He’s cute ain’t he? Only problem is, he’s got a little bit a Mississippi Leg Hound in him. If the mood catches him rite, he’ll grab your leg and just go to town. You don’t want him around if your wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it’s best to just let him finish.

full.wav (39K)
Clark W. Griswold: It’s not big, it’s just… full.
Russell ‘Rusty’ Griswold (Johnny Galecki): Dad, that thing wouldn’t fit in our yard!
Clark W. Griswold: It’s not going in our yard, Russ, it’s going in our living room.

sap.wav (71K)
Clark W. Griswold: I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. [Clark cuts the tree loose and a huge crash follows] Lot a sap in here. Looks great! Little full, lot a sap.

bendover.wav (20K)
Todd: Where do you think your gonna put a tree that big?
Clark W. Griswold: Bend over and I’ll show ya.

bendover2.wav (42K)
Todd: Where do you think your gonna put a tree that big?
Clark W. Griswold: Bend over and I’ll show ya.
Todd: You’ve got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold.
Clark W. Griswold: I wasn’t talking to you.

merrychristmas.wav (32K)
[as an entourage of suits–lead by Clark’s boss–passes by single file]
Clark W. Griswold: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

hooter.wav (15K)
Clark W. Griswold: Wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter–hotter than they are.

merry.wav (6K)
Clark W. Griswold: Tis the season to be merry.

merry2.wav (16K)
Clark W. Griswold: Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: Well, that’s my name.
Clark W. Griswold: No shit!

nuthouse.wav (97K)
Clark W. Griswold: Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

onfire.wav (16K)
Aunt Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark W. Griswold: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

burnsomedust.wav (37K)
Clark W. Griswold: Burn some dust here, eat my rubber!
Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think what ya mean is, burn rubber, and eat my dust.
Clark W. Griswold: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.

giftidea.wav (194K)
Clark W. Griswold: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

tylenol.wav (18K)
Clark W. Griswold: Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

season.wav (37K)
Clark W. Griswold: This is what Christmas is all about. I’ll uh, park the cars and check the luggage, and uh, I’ll be outside for the season.

throwmedown.wav (14K)
Aunt Bethany: Don’t throw me down, Clark!
Clark W. Griswold: I’ll try not to, Aunt Bethany.

gift.wav (35K)
Clark W. Griswold: It’s a one year membership in the Jelly of the Month Club.
Cousin Eddie: Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

9lives.wav (25K)
Cousin Eddie: That thing had nine lives she just spent ’em all.

bingo.wav (8K)
Cousin Eddie: Bingo!

liverlips.wav (11K)
Clark W. Griswold: Eat my road grit liver lips!