Analyze This

Sound clips from Analyze This

Mobster: Do you think that those whales piss in that water?
Jelly: No, I think they use the men’s room next door to the Burger King…dummy!

Paul: If I talk to you and you turn me into a fag, I’m gonna kill ya, understand?
Ben: Could we define fag? Because some feelings may come up
Paul: I go fag, you die.

Ben: Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.
Paul: Fucking Greeks.

MacNamara: You’re Paul Vitti, the mobster?
Paul: Now is that polite?
MacNamara: Huh?
Paul: Is that being nice? I’m trying to be nice over here! I mean, do I walk up to you and say you’re so and so the hard on?

Ben: I am no longer your doctor.
Paul: What. Because of this?
Ben: Because of this little double homicide! Yes because of this!

Caroline: I just cannot believe that it’s over between me and Steve, you know. I mean, maybe there’s still hope.
Ben: Well, he did take out a restraining order against you, and I have to be honest, that’s usually not a good sign.

Ben: You know, normally a patient wouldn’t have a vat of scotch during a session.
Paul: That’s an interesting fact. I’m gonna have to remember that one if I’m ever on Jeopardy.

Ben: Dad, you’re not coming to my wedding?
Ben’s Dad: We wanna be there, but I’ve got three book signings next weekend. I can’t piss off these big bookstores. If I cancel, they stick me down on the bottom shelf…that’s the way they are.
Ben: I know, that’s the word on the street. Barnes is okay, but that Noble is a vindictive prick.

Ben: You know you can take a pill for that.
Paul: Nah, nah, that’s a cheat. You start with the pills, next thing you know, you’re puttin’ in hydraulics! A hard-on should be gotten legitimately, or it shouldn’t be gotten at all.
Ben: Hmm…I think Mark Twain said that, didn’t he?

Ben: You know, you know what I do when I’m mad, Paul? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow. See how you feel.
Paul: [Grabs a gun and fires a few shots] There’s your fuckin’ pillow.
Ben: Feel better?
Paul: Yeah, I do.

Paul: You know you’re really very rigid about certain things, did ya know that?

Ben: Oh, now you’re gonna tell me it was a suicide?
Paul: I think he left a note. Jelly, did they find that note?
Jelly: Ah, no, but they will in a minute.
Ben: Oh let me guess what it says…’Life is bullshit…I can’t fuckin’ take it anymore…signed, the dead guy.’
Jelly: Hey, that’s good, doc.

Caroline: But what should I do?
Ben: Well, the first thing I think that you should do, is to stop whining about this pathetic loser. For christs sake, you’re a tragedy queen. Steve doesn’t like me, Steve doesn’t respect me. Oh who gives a shit, get a fucking life!